Marriage & Shadows of the Past

وَيۡلٌ لِّكُلِّ هُمَزَةٖ لُّمَزَةٍ

“Destruction be for every person who searches for faults (in others; the scandal-monger) and who mocks (the Mu’mineen).” (Surah al-Humazah, 1)

What Allah ﷻ has concealed, no one has the right to pressure or coerce a person into disclosing. Confession to one’s sins is a private matter, done sincerely in the presence of Allah ﷻ alone. People are prone to mistakes, especially in their youth and early adulthood. As a person grows in maturity, they often carry sincere, heart-felt remorse and deep regret for their past decisions. They repent sincerely and seek forgiveness from the Most-Forgiving. Through Allah’s Mercy, they are now regarded as though the sin had never been committed. Once the sin is forgiven, it is erased permanently from the book of deeds. Allah ﷻ will not hold the person accountable for it on Judgment Day. This is the boundless Mercy of Allah ﷻ.

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏: التَّائِبُ مِنَ الذَّنْبِ كَمَنْ لاَ ذَنْب

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “The one who repented from sin is like one without sin.” (Sunan Ibn Maajah, 4250)

Sha’bi narrates that a woman was once punished for a crime of immorality. She repented sincerely. Her tribe arrived as immigrants in Madinah, and in time, she received a marriage proposal, but her uncle disapproved of proceeding without first informing the people about her past. At the same time, he disliked disclosing her secret. When he consulted Sayyiduna Umar رضى الله عنه about the matter, Sayyiduna Umar رضى الله عنه said, “Get her married as you would get any of your righteous girls married” (Kandhalwi 438).

Every Muslim brother and sister is honourable in the sight of Allah ﷻ. Many ahadith emphasize the importance of concealing the faults of fellow Muslims and strictly forbidding the exposure of their sins. The prohibition against backbiting and slander serves to protect and uphold the honour and dignity of every Muslim. To err is human, but a true believer repents sincerely for their wrongdoing. The Most Merciful conceals the sins of His servants and does not expose them to others. This divine veil is a blessing, and believers are encouraged to maintain it and keep their sins private while turning to Allah ﷻ in earnest repentance. However, those who flaunt their sins violate this sacred covering. Such individuals are referred to as Mujahirun. These people are deprived of Allah’s forgiveness.

عَنْ سَالِمِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ سَمِعْتُ أَبَا هُرَيْرَةَ يَقُولُ سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ: ‏كُلُّ أُمَّتِي مُعَافًى إِلاَّ الْمُجَاهِرِينَ

Sayyiduna Abu Hurairah رضى الله عنه reports: I heard the Messenger of Allah ﷺ saying: “All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those of the Mujahirin (those who commit a sin openly or disclose their sins to the people…..)” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 6069)

For this reason, it is generally prohibited to disclose one’s sins, even to a prospective spouse. In fact, according to Imam Abu Hanifah رحمة الله عليه, an unmarried woman who has committed fornication is still legally considered a bikr (a virgin or one who has not been married) (Al-Jaziri 22). His ruling underscores the importance of preserving a Muslim’s honour, especially after repentance.

Likewise, it is not expected of a prospective wife or husband to openly share or be transparent about their past sins. Islam encourages the protection of one’s dignity and privacy, and the preservation of the divinely placed veil. Believers are encouraged to move forward after repentance and not dwell on past mistakes. Reflecting on the narration of Sha’bi, when the uncle of the girl, who had a past, consulted Sayyiduna Umar رضى الله عنه, his instructions were clear, that she should be married as one would marry off any of their righteous daughters.

Some individuals, male or female, may believe that disclosing past experiences demonstrates honesty, so they share their past secrets, sometimes including illicit and haram relationships. Some arrogantly claim their past relationships have given them experience and expect their prospective spouse to accept it. Islam teaches that real honour comes not from talking about our sinful past, but from sincerely repenting and trying to live by the noble character of the Prophet ﷺ in all areas of life. Publicizing sins, especially those that Allah ﷻ has concealed, is neither virtuous nor wise. Using past transgressions as credentials violates the divinely placed veil. The Prophetic Sunnah teaches us that dignity is preserved through modesty and that the believer’s past, once repented for, should remain between them and Allah ﷻ.

It is expected that a person conduct due diligence and inquire into the prospective spouse’s current lifestyle, religiosity, and habits. However, to pry into a past that the individual has abandoned and sincerely repented from falls under tajassus (prying secretly into the faults of others), which is prohibited. Sincere repentance erases past sins, and it is not befitting for anyone to resurrect it either before marriage or after, for what Allah ﷻ has forgiven, in the book of deeds it ceases to exist.

Men and women are equally accountable before the court of Allah ﷻ. Yet in the author’s experience, spanning over twenty years in listening to brothers, sisters and couples who are predominantly South Asian, a harmful double standard, especially towards women, does exist.

If a man “had a past”, it would be easily forgiven and forgotten. Meanwhile, if a woman had a past, she would be unfairly judged, labelled as unchaste, and her reputation would be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to restore, even if she had repented. This is not Islamic justice. What truly matters is sincere repentance, not gender-based judgment. Allah’s ﷻ justice does not differentiate between males and females. Everyone will be held equally accountable in the court of Allah ﷻ, based on truth, not societal bias. Our standards should reflect that divine justice.

If the potential spouse decides not to disclose the details of their past, it would be impermissible to interpret it as guilt and a sign of wrongdoing. Baseless suspicions and harbouring evil thoughts about others without clear evidence is strictly prohibited and categorically forbidden in Islam. Islam encourages believers to hold positive assumptions about others. I have heard individuals describe situations in which a spouse spent significant time searching for evidence of past misdeeds, often scrolling through years of Facebook posts or using advanced IT skills to uncover old messages. The information found was then weaponized to control and dominate the relationship, with one case involving threats to disclose the uncovered information to the spouse’s parents. Seeking out the faults of others, or tajassus, is a major sin.

يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ ٱجۡتَنِبُواْ كَثِيرٗا مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعۡضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثۡمٞۖ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُواْ وَلَا يَغۡتَب بَّعۡضُكُم بَعۡضًاۚ أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمۡ أَن يَأۡكُلَ لَحۡمَ أَخِيهِ مَيۡتٗا فَكَرِهۡتُمُوهُۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ اللهَ إِنَّ اللهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ

“O you who have Imaan! Refrain from excessive assumption (suspicion and assuming evil things about people without verification). Verily, some assumptions are a sin. Never spy (on people) and never backbite each other. Do any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother, which you so detest? Fear Allah. Allah is Most Pardoning, Most Merciful.” (Surah al-Hujuraat, 12)

In Islamic law, every Muslim man and woman is presumed to be chaste unless proven otherwise. If someone accuses another of fornication, the accuser must provide witnesses to prove the crime. If unable, the accuser has committed an enormity, slander. This crime of violating another believer’s honour is a punishable offense, and anyone who accuses chaste believing women of fornication and lewdness is accursed in this world and the next life (Surah al-Nur, 23).

Saalih ibn Karz narrates, “I once brought before Hakam ibn Ayyoob a slave girl of mine who had fornicated. I was sitting there when Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik رضى الله عنه arrived and sat down as well. ‘O Saalih!’ he asked, ‘Who is this slave girl with you?’ I replied, ‘She is my slave girl who has fornicated, and I wish to have her case brought before the governor so that she may be punished.’ Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik رضى الله عنه said, ‘Do not do that. Rather, take your slave girl back home. Fear Allah ﷻ and conceal her folly.’ When I refused to do as he instructed, he said, ‘Do not go ahead and do as I say.’ He then continued insisting until I eventually took her back” (Kandhalwi 439).

When considering marriage, the focus should be on the person’s present character–not on suspicions, hearsay, or past mistakes that have since been sincerely repented for. Once Allah ﷻ grants forgiveness, it is not permissible for anyone to reopen the doors of a sin He has closed.

Sincere repentance erases all sins, and Allah ﷻ loves those who turn to Him in humility and seek His forgiveness. This divine principle applies equally to believing men and women: both are entitled to privacy, dignity, and the right to move forward without being chained by a forgiven past.

Our life’s mission is to seek the pleasure of Allah ﷻ, as demonstrated by His Messenger ﷺ. This requires us to abandon societal biases and cultural practices that are not aligned with this guidance, and to pray for love and mercy between couples, which are gifts from Allah ﷻ.

وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَڪُمْ مَّوَدَّةً وَّرَحۡمَةً‌ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَالِكَ لَأَيَـٰتٍ لِّقَوۡمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُوْنَ

“And He has placed love (most clearly seen during youth and adulthood) and mercy (most clearly appreciated during old age) between you. There are certainly signs in this for people who contemplate.” (Surah ar-Rum, 21)

When our standards in the sacred union of marriage reflect the justice and mercy of Allah ﷻ, this will attract divine blessings, and Allah ﷻ will grant the couple a taste of the eternal bliss in this temporary world. At the same time, they strive together to seek the infinite happiness in the everlasting world to come.

Bibliography

1. Al-Jaziri, Abd al-Rahman. Kitab al-Fiqh ‘ala al-Madhahib al-Arba’ah. Vol. 4. Beirut: Dar al-Fikr, 1989
2. ibn Majah, Muhammad bin Yazid Ibn Majah al-Qazvini. Sunan Ibn Majah. n.d.
3. Kandhalwi, Muhammad Yusuf. The Lives of the Sahabah (eng. trans of Hayatus Sahabah, trans. by Mufti Afzal Hossen Elias). New Delhi, India: Islamic Book Service, 2010.
4. Qur’aan Made Easy (english trans. of Holy Qur’an under supervision of Mufti Afzal H. Elias ). Karachi, Pakistan: Zam Zam Publishers, 2005.